Grabbed from the newspaper:

A Seattle man died this month of a perforated colon after engaging in sex with a horse. While we at Post Mortem feel sorry for the man — there but for the grace of God, etc. — we feel even sorrier for the poor soul who had to deliver his eulogy. Among the possible approaches:

• We’re not here to mark his death, we’re here to mark the non-bestiality portions of his life.
• You know, his parents never should have bought him that anatomically correct rocking horse.
• If you miss him, as I do, stomp your hoof twice.
• In lieu of flowers, the family has asked that donations of carrots and apples be made to area stables.
• Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Why the long face?” And similarly, we should ask ourselves here today, “Why the long faces?”
• If, as the Buddhists say, life is suffering, then he was fully alive.
• There are worse ways to die. I’m just having trouble thinking of any.
• He’s asked to be buried face-down in a pet cemetery.